hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize
