I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
PANTIES FOUND
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