You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
wow bdsm is so cute
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
