Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
