Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
