Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
