I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
you made out with another girl for some wings
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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