I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Even my vagina gasped.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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