You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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