i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
