I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
