I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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