can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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