Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
Randomize
