sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
My underwear smells like fireworks.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
