Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
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