I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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