PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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