He is such a slut. More and more my type.
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
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