I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
