summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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