All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
Acid is not a monday night drug
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Randomize
