We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
