I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Randomize
