just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
i drank out of a bidet.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
