just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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