from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
