I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
