Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
Randomize
