i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize