I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
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