If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
