talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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