I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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