I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
