If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
Randomize
