a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
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