I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
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