Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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