my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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