And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize