I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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