I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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