You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
