I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
