Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
3 2 1 whiskey
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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