I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
