we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
either way he was missing a nipple.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
there is puke in my bra ... again
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
