you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
50% drunk capacity currently
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Ladies don't puke and tell
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
