Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
