They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
