and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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