and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
