sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
