Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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