My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
