i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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