Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
It's like God was speaking to me through a penis.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
