His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize