I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize