we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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