Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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