I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
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