Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Randomize
