u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
Randomize
