Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
