I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Randomize
