today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Randomize
