I'm lost and stupid without you.
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
