1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
