Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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