Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Randomize
