I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
