Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
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