Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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