god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
