Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
