My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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