Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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