so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
