I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
