Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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