I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Randomize
