the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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