The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I want a musical about memes.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize
