I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
